Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Pritty lady
So there’s this lady that comes by sobeys. Well call her Nicole. She always comes by with her little daughter that I think might be around 6 years old. They always buy meat from me. One time it was really cute, Nicole told her daughter what to buy. Nicole is always very happy and she always smiles when she walks through those doors. She usually buys olives first and always asks for a small container. Then she comes and orders 200 grams of turkey, that’s all she ever gets. She has such a soft voice and it’s so sweet to, she is also very polite. For a thirty year old woman she is very attractive. She dresses well and has a lot of style. She wears nice blue tight jeans with a nice white coat. She has this smile on that just makes her daughter so happy which is so nice to see. Nicole looks like she is Italian, actually im pretty sure she is Italian. Today Nicole came by with her mom, her mom is at least 65 im pretty sure. While Nicole walks up and down the store she lights up the place, she is stunning for a mom. After the deli she usually spends her time walking through the isles and goes to the bakery and asks for bread, im not sure if she was asking for bread but she was asking for something. As Nicole continues walking with her daughter and her mom she always has this sweet smile on that just makes your day a little bit better.
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I really like the description of your blog, but I think maybe you should try putting it in a different point of view other than your own. Write it like you would write a story, is what I'm trying to say.
ReplyDeleteI like how you added her family life within the story. I agree with Michelle, for instance instead of "I" use "she," or "he" etc. You should try to use more diction in your blog as well. I see that instead of using attractive, you use stunning, which is a smart use of diction. Overall it is a decent blog.
ReplyDelete*Remember to write the audience and the purpose so you do not lose marks!
Like both Latania and Michelle, I really appreciate how well your described everything. However, I think your missing an actual story for Nicole. For example, why does she only buy 200 grams of turkey? maybe she owns a restaurant,has a pet that only eats turkey, etc.
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